History==repeat???

Are history and repeat two analogous words??is it always true that whatever you do will come back to you eventually like a boomerang? or its just happening too me??my mind is inundated with all these thoughts..i thought of never writing it to my blog..not because people will be thinking that am brooding my personal thoughts…but because I don’t think am enough strong to even accept it in my mind let alone jotting it down..may be I was too overconfident about my presence in my all friends life that I never got the feeling of how it seems when someone else takes it..may be I let my ego go too high…and now I have nothing left but to curse myself for making such a slip..:(.
But one thing I have realized…its better you run before they make you feel more low..before you start hating yourself for these waste of time..before things go so far away that you feel the biggest fool on earth..how much other try to convince you that things will take a better turn within a span of time…it will never..so I better buck up and say “you will do fine alone…coz you don’t deserve all these pain”
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Bemused....

Am writing blog after a long time…actually I prefer writing on dairy..but this time….i thought its better that I use my blog too :P
Things have turned really hard this time..as if some kind of muddiness have surrounded me and I am desperately searching a way out…looking for some faintest hope coming…trying to defend my thoughts…attempting to console my heart that things are right in place..just going through a rough phase of life…but still time to time my mind whispers “whom are you trying to fool?”
Is it true that am trying to fool myself only?do I need to compose myself and grow up?try actually to trust people? Sometimes I feel the way things are now only a miracle can change things back to normal…but again that’s I hope which I don’t wanna live with…what if things never get right..what if the questions laddering in my mind never gets sorted out? they say blame others n feel unshamefaced..but sometimes it feels good to think that you are the perpetrator..phew “wish I was the only one to be blamed”..but this stupid mind of mine keeps on blabbering that “you do have some reasons”why do I expect too much? Why cant I expect the fact that am not always needed?... why do I scathe my mind for something that will never happen probably? Why cant we erase out faults n wish that something would have never happened?
Its true that people change..their feelings change and most importantly situations change and if you r wiling to stay with that person accept him with the change…I coped up with it…now what if I see that the person havnt changed only the things for me have changed? Is it still easy to accept it? If its so then why do I feel so unmanageable?