hope to be together....

2006:
It was a busy Monday…five girls were seated in two benches in a classroom…it was physics class…and the teacher was absent…now a days most of the classes are free because only a few days are left till the class 12 board examination…
Those five girls were busy discussing about how they are gonna prepare for exam and still make time to study the JEE exam they are gonna appear..Suddenly the 1st one said to the 2 nd one…”I don’t think am gonna crack the JEE exam..guess we will be in different colleges and these days of sitting together and chatting might come to an end”
Within seconds all the headaches of submitting blank copy,thriving with last min preparations vanished in the thin air…a sense of emptiness, a fear of coping up with something unknown , a wish to hold this moment forever surrounded their thoughts..a”how are they gonna make friends?”
Inspite of promising each other of unaltered friendship a little part of their heart feared of harsh consequences…
But somehow with the new bonding the love for each other n more importantly the caring for each other never suffered a recession :P..ups and downs came…from depending on parents for their small needs to grew up to be responsible ones  whether it’s a small occasion of buying books together ,get together or watching movies they enjoyed evry bit…
2011:
And now again the four years of their studying is coming to an end..n this time they are somehow sure that they will be in different states,n no matter how hard they try it will not be possible to meet evry weekend or catch up with evry gossip…but they know in their heart even a 2000 miles between them cant create enough distance between them 
Dedicated to :
Srijita Pal(my bestest buddy…u knw I don’t need words to show how much I love u )
Solanki Halder(even with that slight crack in u..will love u the most anyday )
Shriya Banerjee(from the first day of my school you were with me )
Pritha Basu(will miss teasing you woth small things)
Love u guys  u rock my hell :D

History==repeat???

Are history and repeat two analogous words??is it always true that whatever you do will come back to you eventually like a boomerang? or its just happening too me??my mind is inundated with all these thoughts..i thought of never writing it to my blog..not because people will be thinking that am brooding my personal thoughts…but because I don’t think am enough strong to even accept it in my mind let alone jotting it down..may be I was too overconfident about my presence in my all friends life that I never got the feeling of how it seems when someone else takes it..may be I let my ego go too high…and now I have nothing left but to curse myself for making such a slip..:(.
But one thing I have realized…its better you run before they make you feel more low..before you start hating yourself for these waste of time..before things go so far away that you feel the biggest fool on earth..how much other try to convince you that things will take a better turn within a span of time…it will never..so I better buck up and say “you will do fine alone…coz you don’t deserve all these pain”


Bemused....

Am writing blog after a long time…actually I prefer writing on dairy..but this time….i thought its better that I use my blog too :P
Things have turned really hard this time..as if some kind of muddiness have surrounded me and I am desperately searching a way out…looking for some faintest hope coming…trying to defend my thoughts…attempting to console my heart that things are right in place..just going through a rough phase of life…but still time to time my mind whispers “whom are you trying to fool?”
Is it true that am trying to fool myself only?do I need to compose myself and grow up?try actually to trust people? Sometimes I feel the way things are now only a miracle can change things back to normal…but again that’s I hope which I don’t wanna live with…what if things never get right..what if the questions laddering in my mind never gets sorted out? they say blame others n feel unshamefaced..but sometimes it feels good to think that you are the perpetrator..phew “wish I was the only one to be blamed”..but this stupid mind of mine keeps on blabbering that “you do have some reasons”why do I expect too much? Why cant I expect the fact that am not always needed?... why do I scathe my mind for something that will never happen probably? Why cant we erase out faults n wish that something would have never happened?
Its true that people change..their feelings change and most importantly situations change and if you r wiling to stay with that person accept him with the change…I coped up with it…now what if I see that the person havnt changed only the things for me have changed? Is it still easy to accept it? If its so then why do I feel so unmanageable?

zzzzzing around

Whoa!!this hols proved to be one of the worst hols I evr had..evn those hols during 10^Th grade n 12^th grade were better….atleast could mug up…but this ones were just pathetic..went out only for once or twice…n they have already faded from my memor…had none to go out…all of them are either out for training…or ill Ln whnevr I had some plans something or other screwd it up….sometimes the things came from my side too..making this hols too boring to recall…nd the thing which worstened it up more was those adventurous n too-good to be true plans I made during my xamz…the only help it did was that it helped me to finish my xams in a hope that things will turn up like I wished L

I have decided that will not make ny plan..beforehand..it makes me more mad…n specially whn others are roamng around n texting me about it :x while m hell bored watching ben stellar n lindsay lohan movies…[can recite all the dialogues I guess]n updating my facebook status..phew…

Thnks to this blog..atleast icud write things jamming my head….

An adumbration of abundance - V

15th march:

"you know ayan i have written something to post in my blog..but I dont know the things required for it..can u help me "
it was 9pm and ritti as usual was chatting with ayan..during this time most of the days she chats and obviously when ayan is online she rarely gets time to type even a 'hello' to anybody else...
"ok!!just gimme your pass and id ..will do it for you" ayan replied back
while ritti was typing the pass mainak called..and ritti went to pick up his call..as she thought that for some minutes ayan will be busy doing the blogs things for her...
she was busy gibbering with mainak when suddenly a message came to her cell..
It read "i got to know many things about you..never thought you are like this"
ritti was flummoxed for a second..and within a couple of secs ..she became clear about it
her id and pass were the same as that of the gtalk...and ayan have read the chats regarding him with mainak...
"omg!!did he also came to knw about her affair with mainak? oh god!! what will happen now?"
she was kinda perplexd..didnt knew what to do...the first thing she did was to change her password...but things never goes right when they are ought to.. she was so baffled that she couldnot log in...on the other hand her cell phone was flooded with ayan's messages...she was too afraid to even open it...she switched off her cell...and called mainak from her landphone...and vented out the whole thing..tears rooled down her eyes ...its just not beacuse she is sad about the whole thing..but she is feeling damn angry with herself..how could she ever make a mistake like that?...even mainak was shocked..."are you so dumb..you gave your pass to him?you think him a fool??even i dont know your pass and you gave it to a stranger?how??"
"stop ragging me...and think of a solution?what will i do now???i dont think he will ever talk with me...he got to know about us too" ritti was about to burst into tears
"arey dont cry...look you know na that u are not guilty at your heart?then why are you taking the whole blame to urself..and this day was about to some someday..how can you hold a truth?dont worry he wont stop talking to you..i will talk to him tommorrow...we are going to meet na tommorrow...?"and mainak kept the phone....
ritti couldnot get a wink of sleep and she was trying hard to get bck her password so that she could atleast see those chats....what she culd recall is that some days ago she showed mainak some chats of hers with ayan....and to lighten the situation they made it look like a joke...mainka only started it..because he knew that at her heart ritti is only thinking about ayan's propose..he knew how much seriously she has taken it....so just to lighten it up they did..but ayan will never get to know that....
riiti really felt worse..she couldnot even switch on her cell..she has no problem with ayan knowing about her affair...but the thing is what it he stops talking to her after that?
no..she cant bear that...tears rolled down her eyes....actually she was trying hard not to have any feelings for ayan..she knew its not right...mainak is a very nice guy..why?she have no right to hurt him...whoa!!so many thoughts..and that stupid ayan thinks that he is at the gunpoint....all these thought crowded her mind and she didnt knew when she fell asleep...

An adumbration of abundance - IV

7th march:

"can you meet me after college today?"a message appeared on Ritti's cell's screen as she got ready to get out from college to meet Mainak...three months before in this day he propose dher and they planned to spend this day in a special way....but how can she say this reason?

"no re..i have classes till 5pm..cant meet you today...you better go home ..will meet some other day"Ritti texted back..she had no other option...

"okie!!no problem..i also have some work hope i will finish within 5 pm..then we can come home together" Ayan texted back..

Ritti releived..in 5pm again she will make and say something...she have to hurry now Mainak msut be waiting for her...

"you know Ayan texted me to meet me after college...i made up some story of lab..you know Mainak sometimes am afraid that what will happen if someday he comes to know about this whole affair..he will probably kill me re...because he is very short tempered "

"dont worry honey!!am with you na? we will solve it" Mainak tried to relieve Ritti…Though Ritti was not much convinced… she was thinking that what will happen if Ayan calls up again....

she was right too...Ayan called up again at 5 pm.."your college got over I guess am waiting at .....place at 7pm"and he kept the phone..

"who called Ayan?"

"yep!!anyways am not feeling much well re..i think we should go home now" Ritti uttered..but actually more than being late she was tired to saying lies to Ayan..so its better that she gets to that place and meet him

"okie!!i will drop you" Mainak said..he was willing to spend more time with Ritti...he knew that Ritti is kinda worried about this all Ayan affair..but he is helpless. He cant help from any point...now a days he feels that is was better if Ayan knew about it beforehand..atleast this problems could have been occluded..but its too late..the way Ritti has told him about Ayan..it seems he will never keep any contact with her..and it will hut Ritti a lot...cause its quite obvious from Ritti's behaviour that she likes Ayan a lot....as he knows that Ritti too likes meeting him and talking to him...though Mainak feels a little covetous about it..but as it makes Ritti happy he has no problem about it....

An adumbration of abundance - III

4th march:

"maa!!!i have my infosys training today!!!" Ritti said lazily while her mom came to her room to iron her clothes

"okie!!! take ur tiffing..dont have foods from outside"

Ritti laughed at her mind...hehe infosys is such a blessing...god knows whre will my mom send me if she ever comes to know that most of the infosys training she had was in victoria n malls with her boyfriend...

"wow!!never thought trainings can se so interesting" Ritti thought and took out a white top dress from the cupboard

she was getting ready when Ayan texted"dont get out of the house today...its so much hot outside"

this thing of Ayan attracts Ritti most...his caring attitude...her small things makes him tensed...anyways she discarded the thought n texted back "i will be at home only..best of lck for your exam"

she hated this lieing but what can she do?already Ayan told her to meet him but then seeing the weather told her to stay home only...now if she tells the truth about her meeting with Mainak..it will hurt Ayan...so better a lie than hurting him....n Ritti got ready

Mainak was already waiting for her to come....while having food Mainak asked "so what you did about him?thought about anything?"

"na re!!cant think of anything...he will get damn angry if i tell him the truth...but atleast i have to find a reason to tell tim "no" so that things doesnot get worstened..."

"tell him you arenot ready for any relationship now"

"but what if he wiats untill i get ready?" then after thinking a little said again"well i think yoy are right i dont thinks he has such strong feelings that he will wait for me!!!"

"hmm!!or else there is another way" Mainak winked as he said"find a girl for him"

"Mainak!!!i will find somone for him...he will tharsh me re...and by the way he is such a angry fellow that i think 10 times before saying anything to him..dont yoy remebrg how he got angry when some days ago i played a joke on his proposing a girl and getting a 'no'??"

suddenly the phone vibrated"where are you now?can u meet me near my place in the evening"

Ayan...

giving a look at Mainak,Ritti quickly typed"am now at home...okie will try to come"

"i have to go home now re..its already 5" Ritti said

"so early?ok..will drop you at home"

"no re!!i can manage alone" and Ritti took a bus to Ayan's place..

as soon as she got yup she saw Ayan already there...Ayan was looking at her..she kinda felt uneasy

"once a guy starts liking a girl..things are never same again"

and for the first time she felt it....really its not the same person she is knows..something has changed...she couldnot make out that whether its her....or Ayan..or the relation between them...but something isnot same....she felt a little inept while walking with him and taking a bus to a quiet place....

when walking thorugh the quiet place Ayan for the first time held Ritti's hand...and she felt empty again...but she was kinda releived when Ayan started talking about insouciant things like about scholl stuffs ..and every time he paused Ritti was afriad of some"so what you thought about it?"...after walking for some time....they started walking towards home...Ritti was about to take an auto to home...when Ayan again held her hand and said"its already 3 days and i havenot got any answer"....

"umm err...what answer re?" Ritti tried her best to act innocent...but that was really obtuse...

"dont act so dumb..u arenot so...look!!you dont know thorough what am going...even if its a 'no' then blurt it out ...it seems as if am at a gunpoint and u r holding the gun..its upto you whther you will shoot me or give me my life"

"Wish I was in the gunpoint instead of you...coz neither can I shoot nor can give you life" Ritti thought…but managed to say "don’t worry will give you the answer after your semester exams" and took an auto before Ayan could say anything more

thats another fault of Ritti..she thinks that taking more time will save her from the situation...but little did she understand that its only for the time being....

"He held my hand today" Ritti was a little weird while saying it to Mainak

"Umm...gotcha....by the way you are you so late?"

Mainak sounded a little angry while talking...because Ritti came early from date saying that she is getting late for home and its 9pm already and she havnt reached home yet and not only that during this time she havnt picked up any call from him...so there was enough reason for him to get angry about...but very rare he shows his anger and possesiveness...actually he feels little afraid..its that Ritti broke up from her previous relationship only because the guy was too much possesive...and he was too afraid to lose her...

Ritti can sense it to...but she shams as if she havnt....actually she herself is a lot possesive...but when it comes expressing she acts as if nothing has happened and she is very cool about it...but at heart she isn’t...and so when somone else expresses she gets angry...why cant someone gives enough space to other....?so she tried to talk about something nice and soon they were laughing and talking about something else........